Today, I felt the need to write about something that's been on my mind for a while now.
I've been a Christian for about 14 years now, since April 1997. I was a freshman at Miami University, and I felt directionless. I had worked towards it, and hoped for it since I was young, but once I reached "college", I was clueless as to what to look forward to once I got that bachelor's degree. So, in my search for direction and peace of mind, I ended up stumbling upon a Bible and some Christians, believing everything I read in that Bible, and giving my life to Christ, as they say.
In many ways, it was easy to be a sold-out Christian on my college campus, because there were LOTS of resources on hand - Campus Crusade for Christ, Intervarsity, Christian Student Fellowship, Abundant Life Campus Ministries, M.I.N.I.S.T.R.Y. (Men In Need of Individual Spirituality - Teaching and Reviving Youth), Step Team, and a plethora of local churches (at different points, I belonged to the local Apostolic, A.M.E, Non-denominational, and Church of God (TN) assemblies).
I have found memories of all the fun and fellowship I experienced with Christians during my college years - those times have left a lasting impression upon my life and my ongoing spiritual journey. I was inspired by my peers, and craved to follow their examples... until now.
After graduating from college in 2001, I experienced much hardship - long periods of unemployment, depression, loss by death (I had to bury my mother, father, and grandmother), loss by the judicial system (my two brothers that I grew up with both were sent away, as well as two of my other brothers), betrayal (by some family and even some friends), homelessness (even with this, God provided so that I didn't have to go to a shelter or sleep outside), disappointment, heartbreak, and even moments of despair. I even backslid three times (summer/fall 2002, summer 2004, spring 2007), thinking that it was useless to even try anymore. I got rebuked on a somewhat regular basis from my "crew" about not doing what I knew to do. I spent many Sundays just going through the "motions".
Despite all these things, I still pressed on. Ultimately, I knew that God would fulfill his word in my life if I only continued to be faithful. And ultimately, I began to move forward in some things. Once I decided to truly walk out Matthew 6:33 ("Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you"), and started to press forward toward the mark of the high calling (as Philippians 3:14 says), I saw my outlook, behavior, attitude, and circumstances change.
Now, I'm not saying that I've "arrived", or that I have no problems, but I continued to press on over the years, and God has proven to me that all the suffering wasn't in vain.
Now, I say all of this to say this - I feel like many of those valiant soldiers that I came up with in the faith haven't "pressed forward" in their respective walks. I don't speak this in judgment of others, but it's saddens me to see brothers and sisters in Christ who were so zealous and strong in the faith walk in complacency, or even in carnality. These same people who motivated (and even convicted) me to step my game up, spiritually speaking, seem to be standing still to me.
It really hurts; I'm literally crying tears from my eyes as I write this. People that I thought I'd be in ministry with, aren't even interested in ministry. People that I thought would be in ministry before me, never made it into ministry or, worse yet, they left ministry. People who would exhort and rebuke me about certain behavior, are engaged in those behaviors (such as listening to secular music, watching too much TV, not reading the Bible enough, and so forth). WHAT HAPPENED????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been praying for some time for my brothers and sisters. I know that the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous availeth much. But it still hurts to see saints who I came up with not walking in all that God has for them. It hurts to see saints that I looked up to wear their faith so loosely, as though Jesus Christ is an accessory to wear (like a bracelet or a ring). I guess I'll continue to pray.
I have to stop writing now - this is getting too heavy for me, and God is too good for me (or anyone else), to be in heaviness. Maybe I'll write more on this matter later, or not. At any rate, I'll just pray for my brothers and sisters, that they will rekindle a stronger relationship with the Lord. I'll pray that they get reacquainted with the idea of holiness. And I'll pray that I'll have more holiness and a deeper relationship with God as well.
