Recently, I've seen two instances of men hitting women; the first was a movie scene, the second was a video clip of an actual incident. I'm finding that I have mixed feelings about what I've seen, and I'm going to blog about it and sort out my feelings openly.
So, I was up one night (couldn't sleep), and I ended up watching "A Family That Preys" on Youtube. It was an okay film, but the one scene that stood out is when Rockmond Dunbar's character found out about his wife infidelity (Sanaa Lathan played the wife). When she confessed the infidelity, he gave her a real-live backhand, and she flew over the counter.
I was shocked, but at the same time, I understood. In the film, the husband was faithful, hardworking, patient, and enduring. He put up with years of the wife belittling him and discouraging his dreams (the man also had ambitions) without a word. Then to find out that this woman was cheating on you for years and to find out that your son really isn't even your son... that man snapped, and she was too close to him in that moment. I couldn't believe that I was watching a man slap his wife into the next week, but I was... happy (???) to see her reap some of the ill seed that she had sown.
Then, today, I saw a video of a Cleveland bus driver who was attacked by a 25-year-old woman. The woman and the bus driver had exchanged words, then she apparently hit him and/or spit on him. The bus driver got up, and hit her with a Street Fighter uppercut. Then, he grabbed her up and put her off the bus.
I had the same feelings about this incident as I did about the movie scene - I hated to see a man hit a woman like that, yet it was another case of "you reap what you sow".
Even as I write, I'm torn in my feelings about seeing these two examples of violence against women (although one of them was fictional). I firmly believe that a man shouldn't hit a woman. I believe that a man is supposed to use his strength to protect, support, and elevate a woman, not tear her down.
Despite what so many women may try to portray, a woman is not just like a man. Physically, the average man is stronger than the average woman. On average, a woman is more emotional and more mouthy than a man. Women tend to battle with their mouths, and men tend to battle with their hands [in the natural, I'm not referring to the spiritual battle].
Maybe the problem I'm having is the fact that so many people in today's society (men and women) aren't as sensitive to violence in general, and specifically against violence against women by men. Many men and women shrugged off the bus incident with statements such as "karma" or "you reap what you sow" or "her mouth cashed a check that her @$$ couldn't cash" (I'm guilty of this). Some responded with glee to see this "unruly woman" get put in her place. Some marveled at the uppercut that this man used on the woman (I'll admit - it's been years since I saw an uppercut; I thought that punch went out of style with finger waves).
I need to think on this matter more (away from the computer). I'll continue this exploration later.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Ex-drinker
It used to taste good to indulge in that fermented,
but God changed my taste buds after I repented!
As with smoking, I grew up around a lot of drinkers (probably could accurately use the term "alcoholics", but I'll use "drinkers" in this blog entry). And as with smoking, I was initially turned off by drinking as well. I didn't like the effect it had on certain members of my family, and I associated it with partying, and I didn't like all the partying that my parents/aunts/uncles/cousins did.
But, since it was always around, I was tempted as a teen. I remember sneaking sips of my mother's Hennessy when she wasn't home. I didn't particularly enjoy it (at the time), but I suppose I liked the thrill of doing something that I wasn't supposed to do.
But, then I went to college and, as with smoking, I got caught up. At first, I thought that beer was nasty, but I liked being drunk and eventually acquired a taste for it. And, I really enjoyed the harder stuff, because it got me drunker quicker. In case it's not obvious, I was in love with being drunk. When I was drunk, I felt more confident, more at ease with myself, more carefree... . I liked that... I just liked being drunk/wasted/smashed.
But then, I got saved. And, I stopped drinking for a couple of years. Then, I turned 21. My homegirl came to Oxford (the one that I spent a weed-filled weekend with - see my ex-smoker testimony for more about that). She took a brotha to the club and was buying me amaretto sours and long island iced teas, and I was guzzling them drinks like I was drinking kool-aid on a hot summer's day. I was super-smashed! I couldn't even walk down the street straight (but I regretted it the next day, for real).
After this incident, I drank at home. I felt bad that I was supposed to be a devout Christian on the campus, but I was wasted in the club on a Friday night, and people who knew me was up in the club too. I really didn't drink too much for the rest of my college days, but after college, I would (on the low) enjoy cocktails or a bottle of beer. And, when I was a socialist, I got it in!
Finally, toward the summer of 2005, I started feeling some type of way about drinking. I just felt "wrong" about drinking. The Holy Ghost kept bringing to my remembrance that "wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise". So, I prayed to God that he'd take the desire away from me like he did with smoking. And, I swore off drinking.
And, I haven't drunk anything since... no, that's wrong. Back in the Spring of 2007 when I called myself backslidding, I did get lit off Absolut with my lil' homie, and I had the hangover from hell the next day. That was 5 1/2 years ago, and I haven't had a drink since, not even really tempted. God truly delivered me from the bottle, and I give him praise!
#ex-drinker
but God changed my taste buds after I repented!
As with smoking, I grew up around a lot of drinkers (probably could accurately use the term "alcoholics", but I'll use "drinkers" in this blog entry). And as with smoking, I was initially turned off by drinking as well. I didn't like the effect it had on certain members of my family, and I associated it with partying, and I didn't like all the partying that my parents/aunts/uncles/cousins did.
But, since it was always around, I was tempted as a teen. I remember sneaking sips of my mother's Hennessy when she wasn't home. I didn't particularly enjoy it (at the time), but I suppose I liked the thrill of doing something that I wasn't supposed to do.
But, then I went to college and, as with smoking, I got caught up. At first, I thought that beer was nasty, but I liked being drunk and eventually acquired a taste for it. And, I really enjoyed the harder stuff, because it got me drunker quicker. In case it's not obvious, I was in love with being drunk. When I was drunk, I felt more confident, more at ease with myself, more carefree... . I liked that... I just liked being drunk/wasted/smashed.
But then, I got saved. And, I stopped drinking for a couple of years. Then, I turned 21. My homegirl came to Oxford (the one that I spent a weed-filled weekend with - see my ex-smoker testimony for more about that). She took a brotha to the club and was buying me amaretto sours and long island iced teas, and I was guzzling them drinks like I was drinking kool-aid on a hot summer's day. I was super-smashed! I couldn't even walk down the street straight (but I regretted it the next day, for real).
After this incident, I drank at home. I felt bad that I was supposed to be a devout Christian on the campus, but I was wasted in the club on a Friday night, and people who knew me was up in the club too. I really didn't drink too much for the rest of my college days, but after college, I would (on the low) enjoy cocktails or a bottle of beer. And, when I was a socialist, I got it in!
Finally, toward the summer of 2005, I started feeling some type of way about drinking. I just felt "wrong" about drinking. The Holy Ghost kept bringing to my remembrance that "wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise". So, I prayed to God that he'd take the desire away from me like he did with smoking. And, I swore off drinking.
And, I haven't drunk anything since... no, that's wrong. Back in the Spring of 2007 when I called myself backslidding, I did get lit off Absolut with my lil' homie, and I had the hangover from hell the next day. That was 5 1/2 years ago, and I haven't had a drink since, not even really tempted. God truly delivered me from the bottle, and I give him praise!
#ex-drinker
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Ex-smoker
He took that "blaze" up out my lung
and put that PRAISE up on my tongue
It's still a trip to my, in some ways, that I actually have this testimony, considering the disdain I had for smoking. Yet, smoking (cigarettes, Black & Mild cigars, and especially marijuana) is something from which God had to save me.
I grew up with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other adults who were smokers; I think my maternal grandmother was the only adult in my life who didn't smoke at all. I remember all the smoky car rides, the butt-filled ashtrays, and running to the store with a handwritten note from my mother or one of my aunts to buy cigarrettes or rolling papers.
But, I hated it. I thought it was a waste of money to buy those smoky things (I was also considering all the candy, chips, and pop I could buy with the money being spent on Salem Slim Lights, Kools, and Newports). I swore to never smoke cigarettes in my life!
That's not to say that there was no temptation in my teenaged years. I remember that, when I was 14, I flirted with the idea of smoking a Black & Mild cigar. Honestly, I liked the smell. Cigarettes stinked, Black & Milds smelled nice. I wanted to smoke one to see if it tasted as good as it smelled. I went tand bought a pack one time, but before I could get enough nerve to open it and smoke one, my brothers kicked in my door and saw the Black & Milds. In embarrassment, I threw them out the window, and I gave up on trying those cigars.
So, I get to college. I never smoked anything, and was a bit of a goody-two-shoes when it came to smoking and other vices. I was shocked to see classmates and dorm-mates smoking cigarettes and weed. I couldn't believe that people who were smart enough to be in college would be foolish enough to smoke [and do other stuff]! I generally tried to stay away from the smokers; I wasn't trying to be judgmental, but it shocked me, and I didn't know how to "take" my peers who were smokers.
During fall break of my freshman year of college, I decided to stay on campus and hang out (most of the students used to three-day weekend to go off campus to visit family and friends). Well, on Saturday night of the fall break, I went to check on the guy that lived two doors down from me. Unbeknownst to me, he and several of our dorm-mates were in the midst of a smoke session [with marijuana]. I was shocked to see them smoking weed, especially in our smoke-free dorm, but was intrigued because it was the first time I've ever seen Caucasians smoking weed. So, I went in the room to hang out with them, but didn't intend to smoke anything. However, one of the guys started talking this stuff about how marijuana isn't addictive and how it makes you feel good and a whole bunch of other b.s. that seems stupid now but made sense at the time (I probably had caught a contact at the time and didn't even know it; but then, I was so naive then that I didn't even know what a contact was). Then he ended his endorsement of marijuana with "I'm not trying to pressure you...".
Of course I was intrigued. So, when I was asked if I wanted to give it a try, of course I said yes! I let them show me what to do. I inhaled, and of course I choked on the first couple of hits. But that third time, I inhaled it correctly, and I held it in like they told me to. I remember feeling at though someone went inside my brain and hit me on my skull with a little hammer. Then I remember feeling dizzy and lightheaded. Then, I remember everything being funny, and laughing at everything that everyone was saying. I can't remember how long I stayed in that room, but I remember leaving and going back to my room with the munchies. I ate some Doritos, drank Hawaiian Punch, and fell asleep in the middle of the floor with a white sheet wrapped around me.
I loved marijuana. I loved how it seemed to make food taste better, how it made everything funnier, how it made my head spin, how it made me so relaxed. At the same time, I felt guilty. I had always tried to be an example to my younger siblings, and here I was, loving weed. But, I didn't stop smoking.
I also finally started to smoke Black & Milds. I went to the Ameristop on Spring Street and bought a pack of Black and Milds and smoked one of them on the walk back to my dorm. I wasn't a frequent smoker of Black & Milds, but I did love the smell of them, and they held me over until I was able to get some weed.
After I had been a Christian for about six months or so (right around the time I got filled with the Holy Ghost), I started feeling bad about smoking. Some of my brothers and sisters in Christ testified about how God delivered them from weed, so I assumed that I couldn't smoke weed or Black & Milds anymore since I was a Christian. So I stopped smoking... for about eight months.
My homegirl was leaving Miami U, and she wanted to smoke with me one time. We had never smoked with each other, and she wanted to get a 20-sack and get it in. So, despite that Holy Ghost conviction, I put in, and we got lit the entire weekend.
After that smoke-episode, I would go on weed binges, meaning that I would forsake smoking weed for a period of time (six months to two years), then I would get offered weed, and binge for a period of time (from a few days to a few weeks). Then, I would feel bad and stop smoking.
I remember having a conversation with my mother in March 2002 (two months before she passed away). I told her about how I wanted to go smoke some weed. She told me not to be like everyone else. "I smoke weed, your Daddy smokes weed, your brothers smoke weed. Don't be like us, Edward. You've always been on something different - stay that way." That conversation stuck with me, especially since that was one of the last times she and I sat down and talked before she died of a brain aneurysm two months after we talked.
I did take her words to heart, and I wanted to be "on something different". But, I was grieving, heartbroken, and STRESSED! So, I started smoking Newports to deal with the stress, and to stay away from weed. I wasn't a "regular" smoker of cigarrettes though. I would buy a pack, give 1/2 of them to beggin' niggas on the streets, and after finishing off a pack, I would forsake smoking until the next time I was stressing and found myself buying another pack of Newports.
In November 2004, while I was praying to God, He started dealing with me about how I needed deliverance from smoking. I tried to reason with God, by saying things like, "But I'm not a regular smoker", and "I went without smoking for two years - twice - so it can't be that big of a deal." But, God kept convicting me about it. He made me to realize that they only reason I stopped smoking was because I didn't have and money, or because I was in situations where I couldn't smoke (like when I was was living with my best friends). He showed me that I adtually loved the smell of marijuana and Black & Milds, how I would sit around smokers just so that I could take in the smell. He showed me that the fact I would say, "I went without smoking for two years - twice - so it can't be that big of a deal" showed just how deceived the devil had me in this area. So, I sincerely prayed, "Lord, deliver me from smoking."
And He did. About two weeks after I prayed for deliverance, I was walking from the Main Library in Downtown Cincinnati. Two guys walking in front of me were smoking a blunt. The smell hit my nose, and I was so turned off by the smell that I actually had to turn and walk in another direction just to get away from that smell. As I walked away, I asked God what was that all about; he told me that he took the taste for smoking out of my mouth. Not only did the desire leave, but I actually became disgusted by even the very smell of cigarettes/marijuana/Black & Milds.
However, there was a period where I tried to smoke again. In March/April 2007, I left God and "called" myself backsliding. After I made the decision to backslide, I decided that I was going to go back and resume all those vices, including smoking and drinking. I got hold of a Newport, and tried to smoke it. I took one puff, and almost threw up! It was as though I had inhaled a mouthful of dirt! I put out the cigarrette, and knew that I'd never pick one up again. I also tried to smoke a joint during this period. My younger brother was smoking, and I asked if I could hit it. He was hesitant to let me hit (he knew that I had been delivered, and he was disappointed that I was backslidding), but he gave in and passed me the joint. I took a couple of puffs, and NOTHING HAPPENED - I didn't even feel the smoke hit my lungs! I didn't get high, didn't choke, nothing! Nothing happened! So, I knew then that God's deliverance was bigger than my attempts at backsliding.
And, I haven't touch any of that stuff since.
#ex-smoker
and put that PRAISE up on my tongue
It's still a trip to my, in some ways, that I actually have this testimony, considering the disdain I had for smoking. Yet, smoking (cigarettes, Black & Mild cigars, and especially marijuana) is something from which God had to save me.
I grew up with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other adults who were smokers; I think my maternal grandmother was the only adult in my life who didn't smoke at all. I remember all the smoky car rides, the butt-filled ashtrays, and running to the store with a handwritten note from my mother or one of my aunts to buy cigarrettes or rolling papers.
But, I hated it. I thought it was a waste of money to buy those smoky things (I was also considering all the candy, chips, and pop I could buy with the money being spent on Salem Slim Lights, Kools, and Newports). I swore to never smoke cigarettes in my life!
That's not to say that there was no temptation in my teenaged years. I remember that, when I was 14, I flirted with the idea of smoking a Black & Mild cigar. Honestly, I liked the smell. Cigarettes stinked, Black & Milds smelled nice. I wanted to smoke one to see if it tasted as good as it smelled. I went tand bought a pack one time, but before I could get enough nerve to open it and smoke one, my brothers kicked in my door and saw the Black & Milds. In embarrassment, I threw them out the window, and I gave up on trying those cigars.
So, I get to college. I never smoked anything, and was a bit of a goody-two-shoes when it came to smoking and other vices. I was shocked to see classmates and dorm-mates smoking cigarettes and weed. I couldn't believe that people who were smart enough to be in college would be foolish enough to smoke [and do other stuff]! I generally tried to stay away from the smokers; I wasn't trying to be judgmental, but it shocked me, and I didn't know how to "take" my peers who were smokers.
During fall break of my freshman year of college, I decided to stay on campus and hang out (most of the students used to three-day weekend to go off campus to visit family and friends). Well, on Saturday night of the fall break, I went to check on the guy that lived two doors down from me. Unbeknownst to me, he and several of our dorm-mates were in the midst of a smoke session [with marijuana]. I was shocked to see them smoking weed, especially in our smoke-free dorm, but was intrigued because it was the first time I've ever seen Caucasians smoking weed. So, I went in the room to hang out with them, but didn't intend to smoke anything. However, one of the guys started talking this stuff about how marijuana isn't addictive and how it makes you feel good and a whole bunch of other b.s. that seems stupid now but made sense at the time (I probably had caught a contact at the time and didn't even know it; but then, I was so naive then that I didn't even know what a contact was). Then he ended his endorsement of marijuana with "I'm not trying to pressure you...".
Of course I was intrigued. So, when I was asked if I wanted to give it a try, of course I said yes! I let them show me what to do. I inhaled, and of course I choked on the first couple of hits. But that third time, I inhaled it correctly, and I held it in like they told me to. I remember feeling at though someone went inside my brain and hit me on my skull with a little hammer. Then I remember feeling dizzy and lightheaded. Then, I remember everything being funny, and laughing at everything that everyone was saying. I can't remember how long I stayed in that room, but I remember leaving and going back to my room with the munchies. I ate some Doritos, drank Hawaiian Punch, and fell asleep in the middle of the floor with a white sheet wrapped around me.
I loved marijuana. I loved how it seemed to make food taste better, how it made everything funnier, how it made my head spin, how it made me so relaxed. At the same time, I felt guilty. I had always tried to be an example to my younger siblings, and here I was, loving weed. But, I didn't stop smoking.
I also finally started to smoke Black & Milds. I went to the Ameristop on Spring Street and bought a pack of Black and Milds and smoked one of them on the walk back to my dorm. I wasn't a frequent smoker of Black & Milds, but I did love the smell of them, and they held me over until I was able to get some weed.
After I had been a Christian for about six months or so (right around the time I got filled with the Holy Ghost), I started feeling bad about smoking. Some of my brothers and sisters in Christ testified about how God delivered them from weed, so I assumed that I couldn't smoke weed or Black & Milds anymore since I was a Christian. So I stopped smoking... for about eight months.
My homegirl was leaving Miami U, and she wanted to smoke with me one time. We had never smoked with each other, and she wanted to get a 20-sack and get it in. So, despite that Holy Ghost conviction, I put in, and we got lit the entire weekend.
After that smoke-episode, I would go on weed binges, meaning that I would forsake smoking weed for a period of time (six months to two years), then I would get offered weed, and binge for a period of time (from a few days to a few weeks). Then, I would feel bad and stop smoking.
I remember having a conversation with my mother in March 2002 (two months before she passed away). I told her about how I wanted to go smoke some weed. She told me not to be like everyone else. "I smoke weed, your Daddy smokes weed, your brothers smoke weed. Don't be like us, Edward. You've always been on something different - stay that way." That conversation stuck with me, especially since that was one of the last times she and I sat down and talked before she died of a brain aneurysm two months after we talked.
I did take her words to heart, and I wanted to be "on something different". But, I was grieving, heartbroken, and STRESSED! So, I started smoking Newports to deal with the stress, and to stay away from weed. I wasn't a "regular" smoker of cigarrettes though. I would buy a pack, give 1/2 of them to beggin' niggas on the streets, and after finishing off a pack, I would forsake smoking until the next time I was stressing and found myself buying another pack of Newports.
In November 2004, while I was praying to God, He started dealing with me about how I needed deliverance from smoking. I tried to reason with God, by saying things like, "But I'm not a regular smoker", and "I went without smoking for two years - twice - so it can't be that big of a deal." But, God kept convicting me about it. He made me to realize that they only reason I stopped smoking was because I didn't have and money, or because I was in situations where I couldn't smoke (like when I was was living with my best friends). He showed me that I adtually loved the smell of marijuana and Black & Milds, how I would sit around smokers just so that I could take in the smell. He showed me that the fact I would say, "I went without smoking for two years - twice - so it can't be that big of a deal" showed just how deceived the devil had me in this area. So, I sincerely prayed, "Lord, deliver me from smoking."
And He did. About two weeks after I prayed for deliverance, I was walking from the Main Library in Downtown Cincinnati. Two guys walking in front of me were smoking a blunt. The smell hit my nose, and I was so turned off by the smell that I actually had to turn and walk in another direction just to get away from that smell. As I walked away, I asked God what was that all about; he told me that he took the taste for smoking out of my mouth. Not only did the desire leave, but I actually became disgusted by even the very smell of cigarettes/marijuana/Black & Milds.
However, there was a period where I tried to smoke again. In March/April 2007, I left God and "called" myself backsliding. After I made the decision to backslide, I decided that I was going to go back and resume all those vices, including smoking and drinking. I got hold of a Newport, and tried to smoke it. I took one puff, and almost threw up! It was as though I had inhaled a mouthful of dirt! I put out the cigarrette, and knew that I'd never pick one up again. I also tried to smoke a joint during this period. My younger brother was smoking, and I asked if I could hit it. He was hesitant to let me hit (he knew that I had been delivered, and he was disappointed that I was backslidding), but he gave in and passed me the joint. I took a couple of puffs, and NOTHING HAPPENED - I didn't even feel the smoke hit my lungs! I didn't get high, didn't choke, nothing! Nothing happened! So, I knew then that God's deliverance was bigger than my attempts at backsliding.
And, I haven't touch any of that stuff since.
#ex-smoker
Testimony bars
First and formost, my apologies for not being diligent in posting blogs. I had thought about posting, but I just wasn't feeling writing for a season. God had to rekindle my love for writing and reading, to be honest... but I'm not here to have this conversation today.
I wanted to talk about something that I've been doing on Facebook this week. Everyday this week, I've posted "bars" of my testimony (basically, a couple of rhyming lines describing what God has done for me and what he's delivered me from).
Actually, I didn't plan to do this. I was in fellowship with a few of the saints after church on Sunday, and I said in the midst of our conversation that "He took that blaze up out my lung, and put that praise up in my lung!" One of my sisters was hyped over that couplet, and was saying that I should turn it into a song. Then, I said, "I'm gonna put that on my Facebook!" She said, "Tag me if you do it!". So, when I got home, I logged onto my Facebook and posted those bars (except for replacing the second "lung" with "tongue", it's the same thing I said when I was with the saints).
When I checked my Facebook on Monday, I saw the status sitting there, and I wondered aloud if I could come up with more "testimony bars" - and almost instantly, I thought "Eyes would carefully watch chests, backsides, and thighs - I thank God for redirecting my eyes". So, that was the next one that I posted. And, God has given me bars to post everyday, sharing what's He's done for me.
I suppose I'll post testimony bars until I run out of bars or deliverance testimonies (probably the latter).
But also, I plan to start writing daily on my blog about my testimonies. I want to elaborate on what God has done. For example, "He took that blaze up out my lung, and put that praise up on my tongue!" - I would like to elaborate and tell the story behind the lines. So, look forward to me sharing my story... .
I wanted to talk about something that I've been doing on Facebook this week. Everyday this week, I've posted "bars" of my testimony (basically, a couple of rhyming lines describing what God has done for me and what he's delivered me from).
Actually, I didn't plan to do this. I was in fellowship with a few of the saints after church on Sunday, and I said in the midst of our conversation that "He took that blaze up out my lung, and put that praise up in my lung!" One of my sisters was hyped over that couplet, and was saying that I should turn it into a song. Then, I said, "I'm gonna put that on my Facebook!" She said, "Tag me if you do it!". So, when I got home, I logged onto my Facebook and posted those bars (except for replacing the second "lung" with "tongue", it's the same thing I said when I was with the saints).
When I checked my Facebook on Monday, I saw the status sitting there, and I wondered aloud if I could come up with more "testimony bars" - and almost instantly, I thought "Eyes would carefully watch chests, backsides, and thighs - I thank God for redirecting my eyes". So, that was the next one that I posted. And, God has given me bars to post everyday, sharing what's He's done for me.
I suppose I'll post testimony bars until I run out of bars or deliverance testimonies (probably the latter).
But also, I plan to start writing daily on my blog about my testimonies. I want to elaborate on what God has done. For example, "He took that blaze up out my lung, and put that praise up on my tongue!" - I would like to elaborate and tell the story behind the lines. So, look forward to me sharing my story... .
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Update (April 25/26, 2012) - writing
One reason that I haven't been as diligent in blogging is because I've really been considering if I should change the way in which I blog. Currently, I log onto blogger.com, and write off the top of my head on whatever topic is on my mind in that moment. I may have an idea of what I want to write, but the writing itself is spontaneous.
However, some "discourse" that occurred on Facebook several weeks ago has made me take pause and consider my approach to writing.
So, I was on Facebook and saw a video where recording artist Lecrae was "teaching" on the subject of tattoos. I commented on my Facebook page that I thought the video was a hot mess (among other things, he took scriptures out of context and he used inaccurate illustrations). Well, some of the Christians automatically took my comment as being legalistic, biblically erroneous, and proceeded to get "fly" on my Facebook page (and one person even made a Youtube video about me).
Now, I'll keep it real and say that, honestly, I wasn't totally prepared to biblically defend my comment like I know I could. Well, it wasn't so much the "hot mess" comment that I had to defend, but why I teach against tattoos. I've done research on the topic of tattooing (or marking, which is the term used in the Holy Bible), but didn't have my source material on hand; the saints weren't willing to receive what I had to say on faith (and I can't get too mad at that, considering all the false doctrine going forth these days). Then, it seemed as though some folks still wanted to feel some kind of way even after I brought forth scripture and other sources on the matter.
That situation on Facebook did make me think though. I was wondering if I should stop writing off the top of my head and be intentional in what I write. On one hand, I want to be free to write whatever is on my mind (whether on a blog, on Twitter, or on Facebook). On the other hand, I'm a minister of the gospel, an ambassador of Christ; I always have to represent the faith first. Some people may try to misconstrue MY random thoughts and opinions into a judgement against Christianity or even against God, which I most definitely don't want to happen.
I'm praying on this, and I'll see how God leads me. Until then... .
Laton.
Update (April 25/26, 2012) - Driving
Busy.
That's been me! Busy. Work, church, cleaning, driving, and writing have been wearing a brotha out!!!
Yes - I did say driving! God opened the door for me to get a vehicle - a red Nissan Versa. I love "Candy" (her name - I also call her "Ta-dow" and "see me red" as well) - she's comfortable, good on gas, and easy to maneuver.
I've definitely been getting it in with the driving. I've driven all over Cincinnati (I think Pleasant Ridge and Kennedy Heights are the only city neighborhoods I haven't hit, and a couple of the eastern suburbs). I drove to Oxford (and was SALTY I didn't have time to grab some SDS or a toasted roll). I drove to Batesville, IN for some Doritos (that one of my deacons told me that I could've purchased at Sam's Club; I got to get a Sam's card).
The main thing about driving is that I feel so LIBERATED!!! I truly feel that I can come and go freely! I don't feel limited by the time and route of the Metro! I was able to hop in my car and drive to Indiana - I wasn't able to do that before. I was able to go through the drive-thru at Rally's - normally, I would've had to catch two buses and get there before the walk-up window closed. I was able to go to the laundromat and wash all my clothes at the same time, instead of using the laundry room downstairs (there's only three washers and dryers, and usually, only one dryer works because some crackhead always tries to break into the other one that works).
The enemy fought me for a long time in this area. I seriously spent many nights feeling that I would never drive, and that no one could understand my plight. I would find someone to take me out for lessons, and then things would come up in their lives that hindered them from taking me to practice driving. I would save money for driving school, then something would come up where I had to re-appropriate those funds. I would get pissed at people around me who were quick to criticize the fact that I couldn't drive, but offered no solutions or help.
Even in getting my drivers' license, as well as my vehicle, the enemy was fighting. People tried to tell me that my brother and I wouldn't get the rental car so that I do some more practicing and take my driving exam. I had nightmares the entire week before I took my test. The enemy tried to divide me and my brother. I had to rebuke irritability and heaviness that week.
With getting the car, it really stretched my faith. I said that I was gonna step out on faith and go get a car. I hopped on the bus and on the Internet and looked for a car. I had limited funds, but God did exceeding abundantly above what I could ask or think.
I remember the day I got my car (after all, it was only a couple of weeks ago). I had talked with the gentleman at the dealership. I told him that I would come over after work. After work, I caught the bus to Downtown Cincinnati to handle some kingdom business. Then, I rode the 23X out to Tri-County. I remember that I was thanking God that the bus ride to the dealership would be my last bus ride. And, God honored my faith. I drove off that lot with Candy, and went to church to pray, praise God, and rejoice in his provision for me.
Then, God really encouraged me with a prophetic word that Bishop Booker spoke on Friday. He basically let me know that now that I've overcome in this area, that things will be different now in this area. He let me know that I wouldn't have to go through in this area anymore.
Even as I write this blog, I'm feeling emotional. When I drove away in my car, it was as though a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I would no longer have to fight against words that were spoken over me, people trying to make me feel stupid because I went to Walnut Hills [High School], but didn't have a license, or that I went to college, but didn't drive, or that I was a preacher, but had to ride the bus or the church van to church. It may sound silly to many, but I feel liberated, mature, and joyous now. I feel that I'm moving forward like never before.
That's been me! Busy. Work, church, cleaning, driving, and writing have been wearing a brotha out!!!
Yes - I did say driving! God opened the door for me to get a vehicle - a red Nissan Versa. I love "Candy" (her name - I also call her "Ta-dow" and "see me red" as well) - she's comfortable, good on gas, and easy to maneuver.
I've definitely been getting it in with the driving. I've driven all over Cincinnati (I think Pleasant Ridge and Kennedy Heights are the only city neighborhoods I haven't hit, and a couple of the eastern suburbs). I drove to Oxford (and was SALTY I didn't have time to grab some SDS or a toasted roll). I drove to Batesville, IN for some Doritos (that one of my deacons told me that I could've purchased at Sam's Club; I got to get a Sam's card).
The main thing about driving is that I feel so LIBERATED!!! I truly feel that I can come and go freely! I don't feel limited by the time and route of the Metro! I was able to hop in my car and drive to Indiana - I wasn't able to do that before. I was able to go through the drive-thru at Rally's - normally, I would've had to catch two buses and get there before the walk-up window closed. I was able to go to the laundromat and wash all my clothes at the same time, instead of using the laundry room downstairs (there's only three washers and dryers, and usually, only one dryer works because some crackhead always tries to break into the other one that works).
The enemy fought me for a long time in this area. I seriously spent many nights feeling that I would never drive, and that no one could understand my plight. I would find someone to take me out for lessons, and then things would come up in their lives that hindered them from taking me to practice driving. I would save money for driving school, then something would come up where I had to re-appropriate those funds. I would get pissed at people around me who were quick to criticize the fact that I couldn't drive, but offered no solutions or help.
Even in getting my drivers' license, as well as my vehicle, the enemy was fighting. People tried to tell me that my brother and I wouldn't get the rental car so that I do some more practicing and take my driving exam. I had nightmares the entire week before I took my test. The enemy tried to divide me and my brother. I had to rebuke irritability and heaviness that week.
With getting the car, it really stretched my faith. I said that I was gonna step out on faith and go get a car. I hopped on the bus and on the Internet and looked for a car. I had limited funds, but God did exceeding abundantly above what I could ask or think.
I remember the day I got my car (after all, it was only a couple of weeks ago). I had talked with the gentleman at the dealership. I told him that I would come over after work. After work, I caught the bus to Downtown Cincinnati to handle some kingdom business. Then, I rode the 23X out to Tri-County. I remember that I was thanking God that the bus ride to the dealership would be my last bus ride. And, God honored my faith. I drove off that lot with Candy, and went to church to pray, praise God, and rejoice in his provision for me.
Then, God really encouraged me with a prophetic word that Bishop Booker spoke on Friday. He basically let me know that now that I've overcome in this area, that things will be different now in this area. He let me know that I wouldn't have to go through in this area anymore.
Even as I write this blog, I'm feeling emotional. When I drove away in my car, it was as though a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I would no longer have to fight against words that were spoken over me, people trying to make me feel stupid because I went to Walnut Hills [High School], but didn't have a license, or that I went to college, but didn't drive, or that I was a preacher, but had to ride the bus or the church van to church. It may sound silly to many, but I feel liberated, mature, and joyous now. I feel that I'm moving forward like never before.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Forgiveness 1.1
The following is an article that I've written for a newsletter.
Good News: Forgiveness
by Pastor Jonathan Daniels
Praise the Lord, readers! I wanted to share some good news today, something that I’ve personally experienced and grown in recently – forgiveness. Now, I know that this topic –forgiveness – may not be the most exhilarating or soul-stirring one to discuss, but God recently revealed to me a new understanding of the power and freedom that comes with forgiveness.
Recently, I had somewhat of a confrontation with someone close to me. In the heat of our “spirited” discourse, the other individual spoke some things contrary to what God had spoken to me regarding my ministry and my life.
After that meeting, I felt indignation rising up from within – this person said some hurtful things to me. The enemy almost immediately tried to flood my mind with thoughts of doubt regarding my ministry, my place in Anointed Word Fellowship, my direction in life, and even my relationship with God. So, I was alternately indignant and warring with the words spoken to me/over me.
Whenever I have a mental tug-of-war, I go into my prayer closet with my Bible; this time was no exception. While in the midst of prayer, God spoke to me in a small, still voice - “Use your weapons. Forgiveness is a weapon.”
Forgiveness, a weapon? But then I remembered II Corinthians 10:3-4:
3For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
And I realized that, in my flesh, I wanted to give somebody a piece of my mind. Just as they had come up against me with words, I wanted to really respond to them in kind. But, the above scripture let me know that I can’t respond carnally, because I’m in the middle of a spiritual war; I have to use spiritual weapons to win my battles.
Then, the Spirit led me to another scripture – Luke 23:34:
Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” This is, of course, a familiar passage of scripture to many believers, including myself. But, this time, I saw it with new eyes. I realized that Jesus had an understanding of the spiritual ignorance of his enemies better than the average Christian. He realized that they really didn’t understand what they were doing. In their minds, they felt perfectly justified in the judgment levied against Jesus Christ. They really didn’t understand that the devil was using them against Jesus! They didn’t understand what was going on spiritually! So, Jesus, right there on the cross and with this understanding, was able to pray for forgiveness of his enemies in his weakest moment.
Likewise with my situation – that other person thought that they were expressing themselves. They didn’t realize that the devil was using them to try to cast a shadow of doubt over all that God has done and is doing in my life. They didn’t realize that they could have potentially veered me from my God-given destiny, my “expected end”. So, just as my Lord and Savior understood the spiritual ignorance of his enemies and forgave, I also forgave.
In forgiving, I was freed from indignation, anger, and doubt. I was instantly reassured of God’s plan and purpose for my life. I was able to pray for the spiritual scales to be removed from that individual’s eyes. And most of all, I received forgiveness from God.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
(Matthew 6:14-15)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Forgiveness
Earlier this week, someone came to me and said some things that made me HEATED. I mean, I was ready to disown a person I was so mad. Now, I know to expect persecution for righteousness sake, but when certain things are suggested subtly, and when innocent people are attacked, or I'm told I'm something ungodly by another Christian... I was hot! So, I had been fuming since that conversation.
Now don't get it wrong - I've never tried to present myself as perfect, as holier-than-thou, or Pharisaical before men. I'm striving toward perfection, but I also believe that there's a standard that a Christian ought to uphold, in word and in deed. Ok, sometimes people fall short, sometimes change is slow to occur; but the standard (holiness) is still the standard.
But for someone to try to say I'm hypocritical - another Christian at that - it hurt, it offended, it had me ready to come up out of the Spirit on a person.
But, as I was doing some cleaning around the house today, God reminded me to defeat the devil with forgiveness. By walking in forgiveness truly, the enemy can't try to bind me with offense, bitterness, hate, or any other form of ungodliness. Just as my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ walked in forgiveness, even while on the cross ("Father forgive them for they know not what they do"), I too must walk in forgiveness.
God also brought to my remembrance II Corinthians 10:3-5 (The weapons of our warfare are not carnal...) - basically, I can't defeat carnality with more carnality. That would be like bringing a can a gasoline to a 3-alarm fire. So, I had to also remember Romans 12:21 - Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. So, God reminded me that to overcome the attack from the devil through that person was to fight carnality with spirituality. So, I used forgiveness to defeat the devil.
Naturally, within our own selves, we want revenge. We want for others to know the pain that they've caused us. But, God is calling for me (and all Christians) to respond supernaturally (above what the natural response may be). So, I forgive. I hold no ought.
Now don't get it wrong - I've never tried to present myself as perfect, as holier-than-thou, or Pharisaical before men. I'm striving toward perfection, but I also believe that there's a standard that a Christian ought to uphold, in word and in deed. Ok, sometimes people fall short, sometimes change is slow to occur; but the standard (holiness) is still the standard.
But for someone to try to say I'm hypocritical - another Christian at that - it hurt, it offended, it had me ready to come up out of the Spirit on a person.
But, as I was doing some cleaning around the house today, God reminded me to defeat the devil with forgiveness. By walking in forgiveness truly, the enemy can't try to bind me with offense, bitterness, hate, or any other form of ungodliness. Just as my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ walked in forgiveness, even while on the cross ("Father forgive them for they know not what they do"), I too must walk in forgiveness.
God also brought to my remembrance II Corinthians 10:3-5 (The weapons of our warfare are not carnal...) - basically, I can't defeat carnality with more carnality. That would be like bringing a can a gasoline to a 3-alarm fire. So, I had to also remember Romans 12:21 - Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. So, God reminded me that to overcome the attack from the devil through that person was to fight carnality with spirituality. So, I used forgiveness to defeat the devil.
Naturally, within our own selves, we want revenge. We want for others to know the pain that they've caused us. But, God is calling for me (and all Christians) to respond supernaturally (above what the natural response may be). So, I forgive. I hold no ought.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you
(Matthew 6:14)
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Day 12 in '12 (Love God/Standing)
I was just sitting here with my thoughts and Jai singing "Stand Alone" in the background when I had something of an epiphany. I thought about what the first commandment said; in Matthew 22:36-40 it is written
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
Honestly, I've felt pressure implied/applied to me to accept certain things. People and situations that I care about in varying degrees have challenged me with the above-quoted verses. I love people, but I've had to wonder how far to go in my love for my people.
However, looking up the scripture was/is a relief for me. No matter what, I have to love God first. I have to love God before I love my neighbor. I have to love God before I love myself.
People love to talk about how we have to love our fellow man; of course this a true statement - the Bible says so! But, honestly, I believe that people overlook the first part of the passage - Love the Lord Your God... .
I'm wondering if God is requiring/calling me/forcing me to love him on another level; or maybe, to show my love for him on another level. If I say I love him, I know that I can't approve of certain situations. I know that I can't fellowship with people who approve of certain situations (or who are in certain situations). I know that many may say that I'm doing too much. I know that many may not want to be around me... .
Not just dealing with outsiders, but internally - If I say I love him, I have to even put him above me. In so many ways, I have put him above me (after all, I'm in ministry - which I didn't ask for, I'm in Cincinnati - even though I'd love to leave, and so on). But, is there anything about me that contradicts my love for God? Is there anything that I refuse to let go of that, in some way, would compromise my love for God? Do I truly love God first?
So yeah - this is what I'm thinking about today... .
I'll holla.
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments".
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.
Honestly, I've felt pressure implied/applied to me to accept certain things. People and situations that I care about in varying degrees have challenged me with the above-quoted verses. I love people, but I've had to wonder how far to go in my love for my people.
However, looking up the scripture was/is a relief for me. No matter what, I have to love God first. I have to love God before I love my neighbor. I have to love God before I love myself.
People love to talk about how we have to love our fellow man; of course this a true statement - the Bible says so! But, honestly, I believe that people overlook the first part of the passage - Love the Lord Your God... .
I'm wondering if God is requiring/calling me/forcing me to love him on another level; or maybe, to show my love for him on another level. If I say I love him, I know that I can't approve of certain situations. I know that I can't fellowship with people who approve of certain situations (or who are in certain situations). I know that many may say that I'm doing too much. I know that many may not want to be around me... .
Not just dealing with outsiders, but internally - If I say I love him, I have to even put him above me. In so many ways, I have put him above me (after all, I'm in ministry - which I didn't ask for, I'm in Cincinnati - even though I'd love to leave, and so on). But, is there anything about me that contradicts my love for God? Is there anything that I refuse to let go of that, in some way, would compromise my love for God? Do I truly love God first?
So yeah - this is what I'm thinking about today... .
I'll holla.
Day 12 in '12 (Disappointment)
I'm very contemplative in 2012 so far. I'm thinking very hard about some things... .
You see, over the past few days, I've seen, read, and been told things that... on one hand, I knew, and on the other hand, it's still a bit jarring that I've seen/read/heard certain things.
Yes, jarring is the correct word. The conversations, the words, the sights have indeed had a harshly disagreeable and disconcerting effect on me. I had high hopes when it came to certain people and situations, and thus far, I'm 1-4 in 2012.
I'm not saying that I wanted people and situations to conform to my will, my desires, and/or my standards, but I thought that... .
Well, let me use an illustration to describe what I'm trying to say. It's as though someone I love has fallen and is barely hanging on to the edge of a cliff. I throw out a rope for them to them to grab hold on and climb to safety. Yet, they refuse the rope.
Or like telling someone not to drink iced tea laced with arsenic. Even though I've told them that "Hey, that iced tea is laced with arsenic - if you drink it, you're putting even your life in jeopardy"; they respond with "Un-uh - I can't see or taste any arsenic" or "You must mean some other glass" or "You're doing too much".
Basically, I expected to see more thought, more spiritual maturity, and more humility from people and situations. At the same time, I'm hurting over certain people and situations. I care about people, I want the best for people. It hurts to see people who are/have been hurt, and their responses to hurt. It hurts to see people who don't see unseen danger. It hurts that people don't even care about the danger, and don't want me to care, seemingly.
I know I probably sound vague, since I'm not identifying people and situations. But, I just had to express my feelings at the moment, and I decided to just share "off the dome"... .
I'll holla.
You see, over the past few days, I've seen, read, and been told things that... on one hand, I knew, and on the other hand, it's still a bit jarring that I've seen/read/heard certain things.
Yes, jarring is the correct word. The conversations, the words, the sights have indeed had a harshly disagreeable and disconcerting effect on me. I had high hopes when it came to certain people and situations, and thus far, I'm 1-4 in 2012.
I'm not saying that I wanted people and situations to conform to my will, my desires, and/or my standards, but I thought that... .
Well, let me use an illustration to describe what I'm trying to say. It's as though someone I love has fallen and is barely hanging on to the edge of a cliff. I throw out a rope for them to them to grab hold on and climb to safety. Yet, they refuse the rope.
Or like telling someone not to drink iced tea laced with arsenic. Even though I've told them that "Hey, that iced tea is laced with arsenic - if you drink it, you're putting even your life in jeopardy"; they respond with "Un-uh - I can't see or taste any arsenic" or "You must mean some other glass" or "You're doing too much".
Basically, I expected to see more thought, more spiritual maturity, and more humility from people and situations. At the same time, I'm hurting over certain people and situations. I care about people, I want the best for people. It hurts to see people who are/have been hurt, and their responses to hurt. It hurts to see people who don't see unseen danger. It hurts that people don't even care about the danger, and don't want me to care, seemingly.
I know I probably sound vague, since I'm not identifying people and situations. But, I just had to express my feelings at the moment, and I decided to just share "off the dome"... .
I'll holla.
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